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Thursday, August 14, 2008

Coming Apart: Why Relationships end......

_________________________________
I don't
want my
life
to be a
circus but
I would like to
disclose that
my relationship
hit
rock bottom
a few years
ago.

My girlfriend and I have been going steady for 7 years and like many of my friends say, relationships that long doesn't usually end in church bells. I don't buy it.



Sure, we've had a lot of fights just like any couples.About money, pride, sense of personal space, third parties, being bored with the relationship, being sooo busy. Name it we had it. So, this looks like a normal relationship after all. Yes, and like all kinds of of normal relationships, you need to take care of it. It's an investment. It therefore needs time, money and effort to grow. Yo need to nourish it, literally and figuratively.....



I know it's starting to sound cheesy. Let me get to my point now. Being in a relationship is a bliss most of the time (maybe 51%) and the rest sucks!!!
And when it sucks, it really sucks BIG time!!!

At some point in 2006, I thought it was all gonna end. During that time, I was so devastated. I am not sure that time if it because of the idea of losing her or because I don't have enough savings to live for 2 months unattended. You see, we lived in the same house since 2003 with her brother and my sister and now I am alone and I don't even know how to cook. And I am a wreck when it comes to saving money and controlling myself when I am in a shopping mall. Now, I would like to believe it was both.

I did manage to survive that time. Thanks to this book........



I didn't search for this book. Al I thought was to survive. I never occured to me to read anything just to get by. But it was there, in the new house that I rented. After that, my idea of love all changed. It made me understand what is happening.

Here are some of the lines that I love;

---"we enter into relationships primarily to discover, foster, enhance and sustain our individual selves"

---"the reason we fall in love is to help us accomplish our external and internal developmental tasks."

---" A good love is one in which a fairly equal amount of assistance is given and received"


For every person
loving
living together
or single,
the paramount task is the creation of the self.
The reason relationships are so important to us
and the reason why their endings are so important is not just that
when they are over we miss the company:
It is because through them
we undertake the process of bringing ourselves into being.
......it is the creation of the self---living as exactly and wholly as
we can possibly can which is the primary task as human beings. Their endings are not as tragic but although needled with pain, they are a source of potent opportunities".



Some people might be raising their eyebrows now. I cannot capture the essence of the whole book in just a few sentences. I suggest you try to grab a copy. Now, I could say that I am still with my girl despite all that happened. We still have a few struggles here and there but we are sticking it out. Maybe we still have developmental tasks to accomplish together.

I am sure there will be more to come. I am excited. I asked myself before why we human being need to feel hungry, why do we need to take a bath, cut our hair, go to school, to work. Why do we have endless want's and needs? I know now that it's called life. Same in a relationship. If you don't have all those bumps, what is there to look forward to?

16 comments:

  1. hey, congrats..but you have to trust coz that happened to us..too! we thought we won't end w/ each other coz we also had a big fight and had no communication for 4 straight months???but look at us now, we cud have missed these great moments together..hey friend,long engagements really ends successfully.we're 12 years before we tied the knot..promise!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. wow...let me say that this is my favorite post from your blog so far...i am kinda going through the same issue..sort of...i failed a romantic relationship 4 mos ago, and now i'm 'starting' a new but it's a little complicated, it sometimes makes me mad. hehe! thanks so much...i feel enlightened...

    ---

    ok lang naman ako..medyo nangangati pero ok na...may bago akong gamot..ahehe

    ReplyDelete
  3. ...and that's because coupling is a basic human need.

    I agree with roneiluke. This is your best post. A good article is that which comes from the heart, devoid of any pretensions.

    I wish you and your girl all the best. You two make a great couple as I can see from the pictures!

    Hey, are you Ilocano? My father hails from Isabela.

    ReplyDelete
  4. me n my hubby tied the knot after 10yrs.. couples that can survive any crisis will know what they actually want so the relationship will be stronger. It may not be a good sign if the relationship is always smooth sailing, cos when a storm comes, no one may know how to handle and the ship can just sink.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I don't believe that relationship that lasts for many years usually ends. Cos in the first place, not many people has long relationship neither, and those who married early doesn't mean they will have a blissful marriage, they may end up wondering if they have made the right choice.

    Nonetheless, hope to hear the church bells ring for both of u!

    ReplyDelete
  6. LERI---12 years, wow. I don't know if I can break that.That is such a feat. Serously, I am just happy to see you in a blissful marriage and a good career. .....

    Thanks Ron---but don't flatter me too much next time okay. I might die because of being too happy. Kidding. Hope this new relationship of your work. Sometimes you really just have to pick somebody, commit yourself and try to make the relationship work....

    ReplyDelete
  7. Jake. I grew up in Pangasinan, I can understand Ilocano but I cannot speak it. But my father originally is Ilocano. Gulo no?

    Nways, I guess that's the beauty in us humans. We are independent but not to the point of not needing anybody in our lives. I think it would be a more miserable world if everybody just live for themselves....

    ReplyDelete
  8. Eunice---Leri got the gold medal and you settle for the silver,.kkk. 10 years is also something. But I don't know that you are married. Anyways, thanks for the words of wisdom and yeah, those bumps are challenges to prepare us for the road ahead. Life is not always kind.......

    ReplyDelete
  9. hey.;.i like this post..what amazed me is that u r a guy..i mean not all guys are so expressive & have this kind of post publicly. i appreaciate u a lot & i sess u r so in luve & determined to end in church wedding..lucky girl u have..

    Its all up to both of u .. a matter of decision dat d 2 of u wants to pursue more in relationship.
    God bless..
    visit me too. c u der

    ReplyDelete
  10. wow.. nice work.. and stay happy :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. thanks Madz....flattered naman ako. Most of the time though, I feel like my vocabulary is not enough to express what I have inside. So mahirap din magsulat. Plus, like most bloggers, where do you tow the line, is too much info naba or too personal naba? Yung mga ganung line. In this case though, I am not afraid people would know. I just feel like dami ko rin sa kanya pagkukulang and she deserves more than this....

    ReplyDelete
  12. nahj12---tama. Everybody deserves to be happy. I am willing to fight for my happiness. Drama na ata.kkk

    Allen---ganun lang talaga, just keep walking and pushing. Musta na nga pala kayo ng GF u?

    ReplyDelete
  13. joe d mango? is dat chu???

    hehe

    ReplyDelete
  14. naks hangswit... burger naman jan! haha

    note: wala ako sa katinuan ngayon kasi para akong nakawalang sa hawla. hehe. hyper lang kasi parang ang dami kong namiss. so loaded with work.

    kaya next time na ko mag iimpart ng sincere comment.

    ReplyDelete
  15. JP---whatever you say. I appreciate the time. Lam ko namang busy ka kaka-island hopping.kkk

    Alex---yes it's me.kidding. Masyado bang melodramatic?kkk

    ReplyDelete

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